Mediocrity

A confession. I am a mediocre photographer. And that is okay.

I was looking over some older photographs, mostly from when I was an enthusiastic user of film. I reflected on the fact that there were very few good ones. Even ones that I recall liking at the time I could find little enthusiasm for now.

What I also felt though was also the sense of excitement and enjoyment that still resonated from them. I could in almost all cases recall where I was and the image was able to conjure up a full spectrum of the experience. This was especially true of ones taken in some place located within nature.

To be fair my two decades working in film has left me much better at photography. So a superior form of mediocre to be sure. I suppose my whole life I have labored in medocrity, as most of us will if we are willing to admit the truth of the normal distribution.

There is no shame in that. Someone on SubStack once tried to troll me with this taunt, but he was right and I found no insult there. Most of us strive to be better in what we do in life. I certainly hold onto that hope. If one is striving for better then certainly that must be from a position of medocrity. Otherwise it becomes performative.

It is in the striving that we find the comforts of Sisyphus who himself must certainly have been mediocre. To seek improvement. To struggle against resistance to push against boundaries is part of being human.

I dabble in woodwork, writing, poetry. I fish and backpack and camp. All done from splendid mediocrity. My professional work was mediocre as well. (I am not known outside of a few people for any of what I may have accomplished.) I worked professionally for a living. (We all must make our own way in the world.)

The others activities I did from some internal drive. The need to create at its basis, to use one's hands and mind to fashion something that is perhaps practical and at least pleasing to the eye or ear.

Mostly what I derive from these pursuits is the calm joy of engagement. To be outdoors for instance is one thing. To walk is the beginnings of exploration. When I photograph I am now engaging my attention onto the landscape. I become more aware and attuned. From here a love of sort enters. To hold or preserve or cherish; I am not sure which. But from here flows a great calm, a kind of integration.

When I am out like this I feel like I am re-entering the world. Like I am born anew to it each time. The season, the hour, the day, the moment is unique. I notice my dog Mollie must also experience something like this.

When I stop she does too. She does not express impatience or boredom. She often sits attentive. Watching, looking, seeing. She listens. She sniffs. Quietly she absorbs all around us.

It is easy, being human, to live as if or believe that we are not of this world. We are taught that from an early age. We hold ourselves aloof and we insulate ourselves from the world for comfort or safety. In this way we deny our nature and reality. One we will never really escape.

I suppose part of my mediocrity is because I lack that kind of ambition to seek accolades or fame. (I am secretly chuffed if someone compliments my work.) Mostly though I do it for myself. I am satisfying my own internal need to express.

So I say embrace your mediocrity. Strive in the directions your soul instructs. Seek improvement. Perhaps excellence is a trap or a delusion or the end of a beautiful journey.